about me
I graduated with a master’s in rehabilitation counseling from Utah State University in 2015. I took additional classes so I could do clinical work and am currently licensed as a Clinical Mental Health Counselor in the state of Utah, Idaho, and Arizona.
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I currently work as a substance abuse/mental health clinical director at one of the Utah health departments. On the side I own my own counseling practice, To Better Days Counseling, P.L.L.C., and this coaching practice, Joel Downs Coaching, L.L.C.
I have many years of experience helping clients work through problems with pornography. With my unique approach, along with an evidence based coaching practice I have helped many individuals regain control of their lives and experience a greater sense of freedom.
I have also helped many couples who have been affected by pornography use within their relationship. I've helped them regain trust, open their communication, and work through their issues with intimacy.
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Aside from work I enjoy spending time with my wife and children. We enjoy playing games, going for walks, being outside, watching movies, playing video games, throwing darts and much more.
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When I have a moment for myself, you'll find me outdoors fishing or golfing. I also enjoy watching movies, which you'll often find me quoting.
how i can help
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I have loved coaching couples and working with clients struggling with pornography the most and I'll explain why. My relationship with my wife means everything to me. Which is why I love working with couples so much. I have experienced the joy, comfort, fun, support, passion, and love that comes from having an equal partnership with my best friend, and I want to help others achieve the relationships that they desire.
We have definitely had our struggles, but have used effective methods for coping and communicating to work through them to come out stronger and closer than ever before. Cheesy and sappy I know, but it's the truth. I know that we will continue to have more struggles too, but with the methods we have learned, I know we can overcome our future struggles.
I am very confident that any couple can experience and achieve the same type of relationship by implementing the principles they learn while coaching with me.
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As far as clients with pornography use issues the results I have seen have been astronomical. You know I’m telling the truth, if I use a word like, astronomical. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve met with clients over the years and have witnessed minds being blown away by the simplicity of the approach I use with them that changes their whole attitude and view on their problem, within just the first session.
Years ago, I met with my first client that had been struggling with pornography for eleven years. He had tried multiple things to help his struggle, nothing worked. During one of our sessions I told him an observation I made about the way he viewed his problem, he said, and I quote, "NO ONE has ever told me that before!"
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He had that, "ah, ha" moment; and he's not the only one. That's how I know my method works and this is exactly what I want for all of my clients. I want them all to experience their "ah, ha" moment on how they view their pornography problem.
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Maybe it’s selfish of me, but I think it’s natural to receive joy from helping somebody, and when I see somebody change their whole outlook on how they’ve been viewing their pornography problem their whole life to the point they finally feel HOPE and FREEDOM; I secretly experience a lot of joy and gratitude for what I've learned to help others.
I often walk into my house after talking with someone that has finally started their path to FREEDOM and I tell my wife how much I wish I could just tell everyone what I know.
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Another unique approach I take as well, is having the partner experiencing the betrayal meet with my wife, Tessa if they would like to.
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I understand that it can sometimes be difficult for the person who has been affected by the user to relate to a man. Being able to speak to a woman who can relate to her and help her through her emotions is something I find extremely beneficial throughout the process of healing. Tessa and I can also meet with the couple together if they feel necessary and helpful.
what i have to offer
I have looked at other coaching programs to get a feel for what's out there. I've been impressed with many coaching websites and programs and I'm glad there are others out there to help.
However, with many websites I've seen I get overwhelmed with how much is offered in their programs. Their pages are stocked full of so much information that I get to the point I stop scrolling because my mind is overwhelmed.
I'm a simple minded person and like things to be easy and understandable. I trust that what I have to offer won't take six months to a year to learn and can be life changing from as early as 0-3 months (if you put in the work), and this is without a ton of worksheets, videos, handouts, courses, workshops, etc.
Honestly, as much as I like continual income, I don't feel I'm doing a good job if I keep someone as a client for six months to a year. In my coaching and counseling, I try to follow the old adage, "Catch a fish for a boy you feed him for a day. Teach him how to fish you feed him for a lifetime." My method is simple, affective, and long lasting, which is why I love it. It's even been life changing for me.
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The other thing that makes me different from others is I don't believe in offering guarantees. I don't feel anyone should offer them (when it comes to coaching or counseling). When we promise something that's out of our control it sets others up for failure.
As enticing as it is to buy or sign up for something that has a guarantee; I'd be leery of ever spending a lot of money on a promise that's out of that person's control that's offering it. If a program is guaranteed to help someone say, "quit porn for good," or "quit porn forever," but then offers lifetime access to materials or coaching, then it must not work. If lifetime access and coaching is needed, then they didn't do their job, did they?
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Every person and relationship is different and some may take more time to understand a principle or put principles into practice. Change is dependent on each individual and the individuals that make up a relationship. So, how can a coach sell a guarantee/permanent change?
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I can and will guarantee you this, that the information and approach I have used has been life changing for many of my clients. Relationships have greatly improved and marriages have been saved with the coaching I've provided and the work my clients have put into it. Through coaching clients with pornography problems, they have personally been able to learn what it means when I teach them how to, "overcome pornography by not being overcome by it." It's been exciting for them and myself!
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I myself, love feeling free and I love it when clients express a sense of freedom from the worry of pornography after just a few sessions.
I won't guarantee that you won't ever have problems in your relationship after meeting with me. I won't guarantee that you'll never ever view porn again; but I can promise to teach you the tools you need to not be nearly as affected by slipping up as you have been in the past. I promise you all this by helping you to stop setting what I call, "dead person's goals."
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Wanting to never view porn is a great sounding goal, but only a dead person can never look at porn again. I will help you to set, "living person's goals" which will help you to be more solution focused and proactive with your goals.
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This will help you to reduce the shame and keep you in the game, the game of life that is. I use an evidence-based practice to do this and it has been proven to reduce the viewing of pornography by 90%. That's like going from being shocked by a 10,000 volt electric fence that you can't let go of to a 1,000 volt shock that would be welcomed by anyone who has felt they've been holding on to the 10,000 volt fence for so long. You can do this!